meet the rich
Searching for Donald Trump in the VIP tent at the Bridgehampton Polo club isn't hard. The man stands out like he's written in all caps. TRUMP, says his hair. TRUMP, proclaim his slitty eyes. TRUMP, call out the plastic women who follow him around. One of those was women was the disgraced Miss U.S.A., Tara Conner. She was giving an interview to a reporter. "I'm in a 12 step program right now," she said, her manicured fingers seeming to wipe a tear from her heavily made-up eyes, "but that is off the record." Also there was a Miss Universe there and some other pageant title-holders—but Star Jones was banished to the periphery to make room for Trump and his Trumpterage. The hooves of galloping ponies on the polo field went "d-trumpity trump, d-trump d'trump." Amelia Bauer and I were there to document the Trumpsanity.
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themtube
While the rest of us are drinking and snoozing, the television is trying to transmit important information into our homes. Today, our special correspondent for T.V. punditry catches us up on the week in chat shows. Because we totally wouldn't watch that shit if you paid us. Get your tinfoil hats on!
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complex
In the tiny block of text that accompanies her cheesy cheesecake spread in the new ish of
Complex, former Trumpslut Susie Castillo has some choice words for successor
Tara Conner: "It's not the job of Miss USA to be in rehab. Other girls worked hard to give it a positive name, and it's going to be tarnished for a very long time now." Seriously, Castillo is a moral beacon:
Would you ever consider posing for Playboy or doing a nude scene? "Never. I've thought about that because it's so common, but you can use body doubles. I think nudity is exploited a lot, and I'm not comfortable with that.
Wheras stripping to your skivvies in
Complex is . . . well, basically, God's work. Duh.
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gossip roundup
But Fox smear ads compare the CNN anchor to Paris Hilton, which is just unfair. [Page Six]
Tyra Banks, still talking about her fat: "If I had a lower self-esteem, I would probably be starving myself right now. That's exactly what is happening to other women all over this country." Especially the ones competing for spots on ANTM. [People]
A negative Factory Girl review that involved nary a word: we hear that an exclusive press-only event last night featured a puddle of urine on the screening room floor.
Michael Jackson's kids pretty much just look like kids. [TMZ]
Diddyspawn. [NYP]
Wonderland's pretty cushy, but it can't fulfill all of Lindsay Lohan's needs— she's been texting Brody Jenner about her cravings for fast food, and for his Big Mac. [Us Weekly]
Miss USA blames cokesluttiness on her abusive childhood. Ok, Tara, now explain your abusive haircut. [TMZ]
tara conner
Forget second chances. If The Donald really wanted to show
Tara Conner exactly what becomes of "hot pieces of ass" after they spend several years doing the club circuit - combined with the requisite botched plastic surgeries one needs when one no longer cares about one's diet or nutrition - all he had to do was flash her a few pictures of
Tara Reid, circa 2006. That'd be enough to scare
anyone out of the VIP.
I'm pretty sure there are laws against wearing a bikini when your body looks like it's filled with mashed potatoes. If not there should be. And maybe also some against poor people.
We've heard Grey Goose has a ton of carbs, so she might want to cut that out first.
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andrea peyser
As we
mentioned yesterday, the whole 'Trump threatens to fire, then pardons Miss USA' story is basically the definition of week-before-Xmas filler, but we don't mind stooping to cover it. And neither, thank god, does
Andrea Peyser. The
Post's resident moral authority is always at her best when a young, attractive, "fire-breathing slut" needs to be run out of town, and boozy Tara inspired what we think is some of her finest work ever:
Miss USA vowed that - from this day forward - she'll keep her nose clean.
And her urine sweet.
And - to employ my current favorite euphemism - her cooch untouched by human hands.
"I have an open heart!" Tara burbled, as she stood before hundreds of the nation's finest media minds, and even more camera-toting tourists, in the glittering Trump Tower atrium.
Unfortunately, her heart is not the organ in need of closing.
But who am I to judge? Oh, right.
Exactly: who is Andrea Peyser except the supreme judge? We can only hope that when they time comes for her to scrutinize our open bukiluki, we won't be found lacking.
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cbs
Today, the studly
Brian Montopoli, who blogs over at CBS News's cute
Public Eye, shared his thoughts about the manufactured
Tara Conner drama. His contention? That
Donald Trump has masterfully manipulated the media, during a traditionally fallow stretch, into giving the whole "Miss USA is a drunk" story about 674% more airtime than it really deserves. We heartily concur — and we applaud Trump's efforts on our behalf during this difficult time. Seriously, we don't know what we'd be writing about if Trump weren't there, dishing out quotes like "It's a story that has happened many times before, to many women and to many men that came to the Big Apple." But Brian saves the best of his chiding post, Vanessa Williams-style, for last:
If I ever got that "if you could have one wish" question at a beauty pageant, incidentally, I guess I'd have to go with that most standard of answers: World peace. But if I had two wishes, well, let's just say I'd give serious thought to wishing for a press corps that covers real news instead of manufactured publicity stunts like this.
The only reason that Brian still wins the imaginary pageant in spite of this pat scolding is, obviously, the imaginary swimsuit competition.
Trump To Miss USA: You're Not Fired! [Reuters]
How To Manufacture A Late December Story [PublicEye]
gossip roundup
Trump showed uncharacteristic mercy, shipping Miss USA off to the dry-out clinic but allowing her to keep her crown. [TMZ]
Supposedly it was on behalf of his daughter Jessica Rae, but the Boss basically invited Nick Lachey into his Tunnel of Love at the Jingle Ball. [Page Six]
Andrew Leon Talley spotted at Saturday's Sean Bell shooting protest. [R&M, second to last item]
Britney used to be able to pull off the see-thru lace dress thing a wee bit better. [Dlisted]
Lance Bass's sometime lovah Reichen Lehmkuhl disses Perez Hilton on his MySpace in what has to be the gayest catfight in the history of gayness. [Top That]
Martha Stewart admitted to Howard Stern that, while in prison, she'd been asked to "lunch" by some lezzies. [The Blemish]
tmz
Being huge dorks of
Project Runway, we'd grown fond of young Miss USA,
Tara Conner, even though she is famous ("famous")* for winning the pageant that's the "Bite-Size Frosted Wheat" to Miss America's "Frosted Mini-Wheats." We liked how good of a sport she was on
the show, and also how she got fake-accented Malan Breton (who, it's been observed, watches Miss Saigon while twirling a baton) kicked off for, basically, saying that his dress looked like literal poo (it did). Anyway, news comes by way of
TMZ that the speculation can end: Tara is officially being asked to step down as Miss USA, since she's been deemed guilty of all too vague "inappropriate behavior." The
Post quotes a source as saying that her clubbing at spots like Stereo with people like VJ-jay Damien Fahey (wha? we take the nice stuff back) "makes Paris Hilton look like a baby." Uh, isn't that a good thing when you're famous for looking hot in a bikini? Well, whatever. We still want more details, so we're putting it to you:
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Gawker
