Gawker

The L Word's Way To Play For Pay [Advertising]

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 17:54:09 EDT

THe L Word doesn't show any ads, because it's on Showtime. But now the show popular with lesbians and non-lesbians alike has done something that will either become the future standard of television, or destroy the show forever: it has given its writer and creator the power to "control all brand integration" in the show. That means the writer, rather than the ad people, will be selling the product placements and determining how they play out. And it may become the de facto place for bad companies looking to make sweet $300,000 advertising love with the gay audience:

Those with knowledge of the matter say that for $300,000, consumer brands can buy an "integration package" that will either incorporate a brand into existing "L Word" storylines or allow the brand to work with the show's writers to create customized storylines, participating in one episode or across several. Ms. Chaiken is also offering brands opportunities for integration around Ourchart.com, the largest social network for lesbians on the web.

Ad Age points out that the show does have great penetration into the affluent gay audience, which is seriously not a joke of any sort. And they suggest that companies like Nike and Mars—both of which recently pulled ads after being charged with homophobia—could use characters on The L Word as great brand ambassadors. We'll wait and see before we make a ruling. But the show's writer did say of other noncommercial premium shows, "They may be purists, but they'll get over it if they need to."

[Ad Age]

The Cosiest Co-Anchors [Rumormonger]

Nick Denton — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 17:51:24 EDT

Breakfast shows can fail if the anchors don't have compatible chemistry. But the on-air flirtation can go too far. Case in point: Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski of MSNBC. The former Republican congressman—now reinvented as a liberal darling of cable news—hosts a show called Morning Joe with Brzezinski, daughter of Jimmy Carter's cold-war national security advisor. As this clip shows, Scarborough and Brzezinski—both married, Scarborough for the second time—have an exceedingly warm relationship; they'd better tone it down a bit because their on-air antics have convinced MSNBC grunts the two are pursuing an off-camera affair.

Crazy Dog-Cloner is Crazy Missionary-Assaulter [Silly Season]

Pareene — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 17:50:20 EDT

Bernann McKinney mortgaged her home to travel to South Korea to have her pit bull cloned. Turns out, 30 years ago she kidnapped a Mormon missionary, chained him to a bed, and allegedly forced him to have sex with her. The Times of London further reports: "To add further mystery and zing to the whole story, Mr Anderson was said to have been wearing a Mormon chastity belt at the time." [The Australian, The Times]

A Man From The Future [Stories]

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 17:06:32 EDT

On the Nassau Ave. G train platform the other day, a young Latino man had stopped to look at an ad poster showing a news stand full of papers. An old white man in a fedora, pushing a walker, made his way up to him and pointed forcefully. "That's all going to be gone soon, you know!" he said, at high volume. The young man looked at him. "Newspapers. Reading." The old man mimed reading a newspaper. "It'll all be"—he stopped and made a typing on motion—"on the computer. No paper!" The young man looked at him and nodded politely. Then the old man continued on his way.

Departing Intern Would Like to Discuss "the Nature and Merits of Public Service in America" With You [Long Goodbyes]

Pareene — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 17:00:54 EDT

Ah, the Congressional internship. Stepping-stone to a lifetime of tireless public service, or just entitled whining and constant intoxication paired with exponentially growing cynicism about the entire process. Fun! We just obtained an email from an outgoing summer intern at a Senate office that, in the words of our tipster, is "comparable only with Washington's Farewell Address." It is a "gentle reminder" that today will be this young go-getters last day at the office. It goes on to explain "the nature of democracy" and features the phrase "the noblest self-disclosure." The young intern sent the email to everyone in the damn office, of course. "Dear colleagues and respected staff members," it begins, ominously...

Dear colleagues and respected staff members,

I realize how busy you all must be, and so I am simply writing as a gentle reminder that today will be my last day in your office because I leave for ***** tomorrow evening.

Indeed, it feels somewhat anti-climactic that my internships in Washington have already come to a close. It has been a tremendous pleasure and, in fact, an honor to work with you over the past two months, and I have developed a great admiration for the compassionate and dedicated manner with which you work for our State as well as a great affection for the entire staff in the offices of ******** ******, whom I have grown to admire still more.

If one wants to understand the nature of democracy – so the argument runs – one must spend less time in the library with Plato, and more time in the public square with people. For myself, after working in two senatorial offices and a lobby firm, and attending numerous lectures offered by the various think tanks, it has been the noblest self-disclosure to realize just how many opportunities are open to me – both in terms of personal and professional growth. I have indeed gone through the past two months with a lot my pre-existing ideas and ideologies discombobulated, changed, and refined by the pace of events down here. I have therefore likely lost any sense of professional direction which I may once have imagined that I possessed. This is, as I tend to see it, necessary if I am to be induced actually to think about my future, and it is surely part of the whole business of an internship, I think, to induce young people to reflect on such things. I have, however, been very careful to gain out of this experience only the wisdom that is in it and to stop there – that is to say, though idealism tends only to precede experience, it has for me also followed it. And, inasmuch as I have found myself – or rather subjected myself to – responding, albeit in a limited capacity, to frighteningly passionate constituencies on a minute by minute basis, I have tried to take a deep breath and ask myself: What are the deep issues here? What are the fundamental questions that have made our system so remarkably efficient in some respects, and yet so utterly inefficient in others? Needless to say, I have not been able as yet to answer either - doubtless because my introspection has been frequently interrupted by those dreadful automated calls about ANWR.

Furthermore, I must say what a pleasure it was to work in an office where there is such wonderful good-fellowship and lighthearted rapport among colleagues. It is that habit of friendship which stands in sharp contrast with the superficial attachments and short-lived connections of other staffs. I feel very privileged to have shared in it.

I look forward to seeing you today, and perhaps (if your schedule permits) to sharing with you the extraordinary impact each of my internships has had on my formation and ideology, and, in particular, how your own work has broadened my perception of the proper and customary function of congressional offices in Washington and in the American polity as a whole, the relationship between the politician and the citizen, and, perhaps most interestingly, the nature and merits of public service in America which in truth I initially thought bordered on masochism (just joking).

With deep gratitude for graciously allowing me to spend my summer in your office, I remain

Sincerely yours,

********

Someone get this guy a Tumblr!

W Magazine's Familiar Cover Pose [Fashion]

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 16:52:02 EDT

The September issue of W magazine features actress and Lance Armstrong lover Kate Hudson glaring purposefully down her nose at the camera. "The look is a definite departure for her!" writes W's flack, enthusiastically. The look's not a departure for the magazine industry, though; it's strikingly similar to this 1994 Harper's Bazaar cover. There simply must be new ways of looking at the camera, people. Click to enlarge. [via J'Adore Joey]

Post and News Falling All Over Themselves to Give Away Papers [Newspapers]

Sheila — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 16:48:31 EDT

Their salesmen aren't above throwing free papers into cars. [Business Week]

These People Are Major Political Donors [All Politics Is Monstrous]

Pareene — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 16:44:46 EDT

Yesterday the Washington Post reported an odd and sort of complex story about "bundlers" raising money for John McCain. The gist: the biggest of these bundlers net GOP candidates huge donations from weirdos and losers who often have never even voted before. The almost-accusation: the bundlers are funneling their own cash to the candidates via third parties, which is illegal. Clinton donor Norman Hsu got in trouble for this. One small problem—the most unlikely of these donations went to Giuliani and Clinton, not McCain. The Post's lede and photo implicated McCain. Correction time! "Those donors — Rite Aid manager Ibrahim Marabeh, and lounge owners Nadia and Shawn Abdalla — wrote checks to Giuliani and Clinton, not McCain." Oh, but here's the important part: Ana Marie Cox found Nadia and Shawn Abdalla's lounge's MySpace page (watch out for the [AWESOME] song!) and it's AWESOME. We're just going to reprint their entire "About Me" section after the jump, because it's great.

Twilight Hookah Lounge is Located at 1335 East Chapman Ave. Fullerton, CA 92831. Our phone number is 714-446-9966. U are now previewing the profile of "THE BEST" Hookah Lounge in Orange County, Rated by many. When U come in to Twilight u will be welcomed by the Hip Owners husband and wife Shawn & Nadia...Better known as Boss Man & Boss Lady. You feel at home in this chill hookah lounge. Must see to believe..No words can describe Twilight at all....One thing I can say is, Once u try Twilight There will be no other u wanna go to. U become one of the family members as soon as u sit down on any of the couches we have in our place...No tables No chairs....ALL COUCHES....!!! So come check us out and judge for urself! Hope we have the pleasure of seeing u soon if we already haven't, Oh can't forget to tell u about the plasma screens and the big screens that play all night long, whether it be music videos or something that u ask for, Music is played with a mix of things, requests are taken and ur cd's are played if u want. We also have WiFi, so bring in ur laptop and do some homework or surf the web, do some MySpacing,Facebooking, whatever the case may be. Last but not least...Our Hookah's Muuuah...Are very very very good, we use new Hookah's and each flavor has it's own hookah, so ur grape will not taste like watermelon..Come check us out and have a fun nite with us! Twilight Hookah Lounge...The Best Hookah Lounge In Orange County!!!

Hahahaha ALL COUCHES. What were we saying about massive ingrained political corruption and failed attempts at investigating same by the press again?

How Popular Are The Olympics, Really? [Trends]

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:36:05 EDT

The Olympics are the most popular entertainment spectacle in the world. Or are they? Pictured above is a Google Trends report comparing web activity for "Olympics" to that of "Super Bowl." As you can see, outside of very short spikes coinciding with the actual games, the Super Bowl is the more consistently popular item. And that's just an American thing! How do the Olympics stack up against several other, more universal, pursuits? Three comparisons below give you all the perspective you need:

Martin Bashir's 'Boner' Video [Exclusive]

Sheila — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:26:21 EDT

The transcript was bad; the video is excruciating. Nightline host Martin Bashir—famous for interviewing Princess Diana and Michael Jackson—made some fratty/middle-aged comments last week when he was chosen to be the keynote speaker at the Asian American Journalist's Association: "I've never been in an environment with so many beautiful Asian babes in my life. In fact, I'm mightily relieved that the podium covers me from the waist downwards. I've been having trouble all evening." He also creeped out his ABC colleague, 20/20's Juju Chang. He's since said he's sorry (sorry he got caught!) Now that we have the video (full one here), which will haunt him via the Internet for years, he'll be really sorry.

"She Carries Everything For Me..." [Open Caption]

Richard — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:17:00 EDT

[Particle physicist and sometime reality star Lauren Conrad with an assistant or friend (or, sadly, both) at a Whole Foods in Lorst Angrilys; image via INF]

In Case You Missed It [Hopeful Things]

Richard — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:00:00 EDT

From the St. Petersburg Times, a crazy and, ultimately, uplifting story about a feral child and the family that rescued her. [The Girl in the Window]

I'm Going to Move the Island [Not Where, But When?]

Richard — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:54:00 EDT

Ohhh Lost scoop. Two new characters (yes! more!) named Caesar (like Planet of the Apes, Doc Jensen guess) and Illana. Both are dangerous. WHEN IS FEBRUARY? [EW]

Anthrax Babes' Lament: 'We're Boring!' [Love Like Anthrax]

Pareene — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:53:31 EDT

Bruce Ivins, the scientist who killed himself after the government linked him to the 2001 anthrax attacks, reportedly loved sorority girls. As all Americans do! He was supposedly obsessed with the Kappa Kappa Gamma sisters of Princeton. Now, as you can imagine, those girls are fielding a lot of media requests. They don't get it, though! As a sister writes to IvyGate: "i dont really get why he would be so interested in Kappa…i mean of all the sororities on campus we are the most diversely boring…and also the most unworthy of obsession." Regardless of whatever the hell "diversely boring" means (Ivy League education!), surely there's something interesting enough about these ladies to encourage a man to commit bioterrorism, right? We may never know, if these Facebook messages imploring everyone to keep silent are effective.

Hey girls–

I just wanted to let everyone know that the group has been made secret for at least the next week in order to protect members’ privacy. If you are the admin for a pledge class group, I would recommend that you make that group secret as well, and to all members, I would strongly encourage you to either up your privacy settings or weed out your facebook profile so that nothing is on there that you wouldn’t want the world to see. Finally, if a reporter contacts you, through facebook or any other means, do not speak with them. It is Kappa National Policy that actives not speak with the press. If you have any questions, you can call or email me.

L,

Diana

But America wants to meet the hot co-eds of domestic bioterror! Don't disappoint! Come on, charity car wash on Good Morning America or something!

Words Of Encouragement [Tucker Max]

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:50:44 EDT

An email last year from cinematic and literary savant Tucker Max to NYC blogger-about-town Cajun Boy: "Your writing reminds me of that girl at the bar that at 8pm, you think is OK but don't look twice at, and then only think about again right before closing time if you don't have anything better. It's better than most, but not something you'd go after. But keep working at it dude, it takes time to develop a strong voice." Yes, you'll get there one day, dude. [Cajun Boy]

Banksy's Face [Investigations]

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:19:31 EDT

The image on the left is a portrait by UK artist Mister Aitch (which we brought you last week along with several awesome action photos), showing semi-anonymous street artist-to-the-stars Banksy in profile, dressed as the Queen of England. The image on the right is the actual photo of Banksy from which the portrait was drawn. A tipster sent us the full photo—which, as far as we can tell, is not currently published anywhere—which is part of a set of photos taken of Banksy at work in Jamaica in 2004. The much-hyped "only known photo" of the artist is taken from this set. But after the jump, we have two more photos from that set, including one of the mystery man's face in profile:

This Just In []

Sheila — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:13:50 EDT

Socialite/heiress Lydia Hearst-~~Shaw~~ just took time out of her day to write us—and you—an e-mail. She has a couple things she'd like to clear up! Read it here.

Gossip Girl Actor Demands More Money [Whiners]

Richard — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:01:00 EDT

Oh Chace Crawford, you greedy, hopefully gay prat. The Gossip Girl looker, who plays pampered rich boy Nate Archibald, has left ICM for CAA, hoping that their stable of high-powered, wicked agents can get him a bigger salary for the laughably stiff (ohhh) acting he does on the low-rated CW (hardly even a network!) show. He's looking for a "substantial raise," according to well-vetted hearsay. A substantial raise? From "here kid, now you're famous and we'll pay you a few thou while we're at it" to what? How much more could a glorified My First Twink™ blow-up sex doll expect? Maybe his next project, the sure-to-be smash hit The Haunting of Molly Hartley will solidify his place in the pantheon of forever-famous pin-up pretty teen-soap boys. Like Shane McDermott. You remember him, right?

Random House Gives In to "Terrorist" Non-Threat [Books]

Sheila — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:54:26 EDT

If anyone needs more proof about how backwards and reactionary the book-publishing industry can be, here it is. Yesterday, an opinion piece in the WSJ discussed the indefinite postponement of Sherry Jones' historical novel about the child bride of Muhammad, The Jewel of Medina. Random House "feared the book would become a new Satanic Verses, the Salman Rushdie novel of 1988 that led to death threats, riots and the murder of the book's Japanese translator." What made them think that? Oh, because one American academic didn't like it. After Islamic studies professor Denise Spellberg spread the word about how allegedly "racy" the book was, a couple Muslim bloggers went wild (without having read the book.) Spellberg also phoned an editor at Random House imprint Knopf, warning her that widespread violence might occur. (Fun fact: Spellberg also has a Knopf book contract!) Apparently, in these fear-mongering times, it's just that easy to kill a book. (Ms. Jones is shopping it around for a new publisher.)

Vicky Cristina Barcelona's Big Three-Way Lie [The Cinema]

Richard — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:28:00 EDT

Wait a tick. The only reason to see Woody Allen's new gauzy romance Vicky Cristina Barcelona is the sexy-pex threesomes between coffee-voiced Javier Bardem and the lovely and supple grand dames of acting coy Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson, right? Well then don't plan on seeing the damn thing because there are no ménage à trois in the film. Or it's like "implied" or something. Which is total bullshit! We were lied to (sort of) and we won't stand for it!

There are three words, all names, in the title. That implies threesome. There is the briefly shown red room (vagina-like!) face sucking session between ScarJo and PeCru. And now we find out that we don't get to see the three stars diddling each other like crazy (what the does the other girl do??) So, what, we have to endure two hours of people talking like adults and figuring things out warmly and with little consequence as only the casually wealthy of Allen's films can do? Harmupf. If we wanted that we could rent Hannah and Her Sisters for half the price and grow wearily nostalgic for a long lost New York that may have never existed in the comfort of our own homes. Fie on you, Mr. Allen. Unless, you know, you're planning to sneak some three way sex making into the DVD director's cut. Then we'll forgive you. That is what you're doing, right? Right?

This Is All Meaningless Until the Conventions [Charts & Graphs]

Pareene — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:17:51 EDT

John McCain's been hammering home his "Obama's a celebrity" angle for weeks now. The not-so-hidden message behind those ads is an old and effective one—Obama is the candidate of Europeans and Hollywood nutjobs. Get it? Now Democrats are upset that Obama's not fighting back hard enough. Meanwhile, the polls remain infuriatingly even. Attached, a graph of InTrade market predictions closing prices for Obama over the last couple months, measuring how likely an Obama victory is. As you can see, the polls are nearing a statistical tie but Obama's still the odds-on favorite to win. Here's the thing, though—nothing that happens in the campaigns between now and the conventions means a damn thing.

We're in stasis. Silly season. It's media Groundhog Day, replaying and debating the same stories and narratives over and over again. Sometimes they'll switch the players around—now McCain's on top! But we're still in the post-primaries hangover. Once that campaign finally ended, Obama got his requisite little bump and then things evened back out. But the campaign stories now are just an excuse to pass the time.

The citizens who care about politics were already energized by the primaries. As those dragged on, the likely voters all made up their minds. The undecideds and uninformed maybe grew briefly interested or invested, but by the end they were burned out. The campaigns they don't want to energize everyone again until the final leg of the battle, so for the most part they're treading water (Obama) or just throwing shit out to see what sticks (McCain).

The majority of Americans, even the ones who probably will vote this year, are not going to pay attention again until the conventions provide something interesting to look at. Those of us who are still obsessing over every little campaign detail are just torturing ourselves. The polls will remain in stasis until Denver and St. Paul, then we get to actually see where this godforsaken nation is heading.

In the meantime, enjoy your stupid Paris Hilton videos and tire gauges and trips to Sturgis and surprisingly pleasant Entertainment Weekly interviews (McCain loves Viva Zapata, the forgotten Elia Kazan/Marlon Brando collaboration. Obama says Shrek 3 was "not as good at the original.").

Gossip Girl Gets Poster-ized [Ad Remixes]

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:02:28 EDT

Who could possibly top Gossip Girl's mind-blowingly transgressive ad campaign in which the show trumpeted its own negative reviews—which was itself an incredible follow-up to the astounding 'OMFG' ad campaign that shocked the show business universe? The anonymous Poster Boy ad remixer, that's who. Ha ha. Click for a larger pic.

[via Luxurious Vulgarity]

Roofs of the Rich [Class War]

Sheila — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:58:13 EDT

Plant life and matching furniture blooms on rooftops across Tribeca and lower Manhattan. [Jwilly's Flickr]

Trendwatch [Advertising]

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:40:21 EDT

Models in ads: they're all jumping now! [Copyranter]

James Franco Nervously Denies T-Shirt Theft [Pineapple Express]

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:04:42 EDT

Earlier this week we brought you damning evidence that the new Seth Rogen comedy Pineapple Express may have engaged in the shocking, unauthorized theft of a t-shirt design from a small Brooklyn company called WOWCH. The scandal now threatens to swamp the movie's marketing efforts like a tidal wave of justice. James Franco, the shifty long-haired actor who was the wearer of the shirt in question, took a brief break from seducing swooning women in order to stammer a denial of the crime's very existence:

"What? That's ridiculous," Franco exclaimed. "We completely created that shirt and that shark. [Director] David [Gordon Green, who they say came up with the shirt design himself] wanted me to wear a purple Monterey Bay T-shirt with a whale on it. I said I wasn't into the whale shirt, so he came up with his own design, which was the shark."

Franco was then swarmed by a crowd of women demanding to have sex with him (seriously, read the story). Does he really like sex? Or is he simply looking for a convenient way to slither away from the hard questions about his shark-and-kitten shirt? The truth will emerge, Franco. The truth will emerge.

[NYDN]

Diane Sawyer Likes a Vibrating Phone, Sam Champion Does Too [VideUhOh]

Richard — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:02:00 EDT

So here's a clip of the Good Morning America team talking about their cellphone ringtones. They have "funky little disco tunes" and "computer gibberish." But Diane Sawyer's? Viiiibrate. "Ohhhh," coos noted geigh person Sam Champion. And you can just see everyone go to a summertime place where the sangria flows like, um, wine and the oohs and ahhs come fast and frequent.

Why Cipriani's Victory Is A Disaster For Us All [Wtf]

Joshua Stein — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:01:28 EDT

This is Joshua David Stein. I'm back briefly not to discuss Project Runway, which I haven't watched and which Richard and MisterHippity have done quite well already, (consensus: it sucks!) but to discuss the case of Cipriani. It's a topic of abiding interest for me. I wrote a large article on Cipriani for Page Six magazine a couple of weeks ago in which I predicted that empire's demise. Two days ago, however, Jeanique Green, the newest member of the State Liquor Authority which is responsible for deciding who shall and shall not serve liquor in New York State voted to accept a settlement on behalf of Cipriani of $500,000 rather than revoking the liquor licenses of its New York locations. Basically, Cipriani got into the weeds by failing to list Arrigo Cipriani, a felon, on their liquor licenses. Though Cipriani gets to live another day, I argue, Ms. Green's deciding vote may be the pollice verso for a legal and vibrant New York nightlife.

Sure, you can call me out for having sour grapes. It would have been nice if my piece was as prophetic as the Follieri one before it. I had been operating on the premise that the SLA would follow the rule of law, one of the cornerstones of democracy. It is, after all, a premise upon which good governance rests. The equal and impartial application of laws, a government of laws and not of men is crucial to our democracy. As Montesqueieueie writes, "Law should be like death, which spares no one."

Sadly, after heartfelt pleas from the Post's Steve Cuozzo (with whom I work and whose work I generally admire), who claimed closing would "cost more than 1,000 jobs, leave our most iconic celebration spaces empty for the foreseeable future, and knock the fizz out of the city's culture of excess - the golden goose that keeps the talent-fleeing, jobs-hemorrhaging "Empire State" afloat." Substantively what he's saying is, "Well, even though Cipriani broke the law—laws which we, as a community, have voted on as necessary to safeguard public welfare—it would be too disruptive to actually enforce the laws." This is dangerous since it is the same logic that allows sitting heads of state who happen to be war criminals to escape prosecution, the same logic that allows powerful corporations to continue to burgle the public, that keep the rich and powerful and corrupt all of the above. It's disappointing Cuozz would make these bogus and dangerous claims. But it's shocking that Jeanique Green would act on them.

As Chris Shott reports in the Observer, Green explained her shit decision by saying she was concerned with "the impact of our decision on the individuals who are working there." This is myopic and wrong. By letting Cipriani escape unscathed and by seriously undermining the SLA, Green is sending a signal to other restaurateurs of substantial size that they too are above the law. Instead of worrying about Cipriani employees—something the Ciprianis don't do themselves—she should have been concerned at the precedent she's setting. She put a Band Aid on a cut and simultaneously shot herself—and her city—in the foot. What does she care? I'm sure Ms. Green is enjoying some complimentary bellini on the house.

The End of the Listicle [Time Of Your Life]

Pareene — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:46:56 EDT

Seriously, this is it. The nadir. Pack it in, Internet. Someone make sure to turn off Digg on the way out. It's time to go home. [L Magazine]

Lydia Hearst-Shaw a Real Heiress, OK? [Gossip]

Sheila — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:46:11 EDT

At last night's party for C-list gays, "Angels and ___," we hear that this website offended model/socialite/heiress Lydia Hearst-Shaw by referring to her as a "pseudo-heiress" the other day. Our spy Jory reported, "We ran into Alan Rish, publicist for Lydia Hearst, who was very nice but almost immediately jumped on us for yesterday's Open Caption. 'She's super cool,' [he said of Lydia]. 'She usually doesn't mind that stuff, but yesterday it got to her. I mean, 'Faux Heiress', what does that mean? She's not a faux heiress, she's a real heiress! I don't understand why you would say that!'" Yes, but... a real heiress wouldn't be so insecure about her social status. (Her mother's married name is Patricia Hearst-Shaw—so Lydia publicly—and conveniently—drops the unglamorous "Shaw.")

This just in: Lydia wrote us—and you—a letter!

From: Lydia Hearst-Shaw
Date: August 7, 2008 2:02:39 PM EDT
To: tips@gawker.com

I do not care what you say about me. I am a fan of Gawker! I think you guys have a very clever site with a witty take on celebrities, gossip and current events. I understand that people enjoy to read the negative articles about public figures and indulge in hiding behind an anonymous account and blog posts. Honestly, I'm surprised that anyone takes so much time out of their day to comment. I have a sense of humor when it comes to everything that is written and do not take any of it personally. Let's just clear a couple things up... I hope that by now you do realize that the situation with Aubrey was a scene for a film I have been working on between NYC and LA by director/designer Tara Subkoff for the new BeBe collection out this fall (remember ). I have a boyfriend. Also, there is absolutely no feud with the Hiltons. And as far as my name, let's get one thing straight - My legal name is Lydia Hearst-Shaw, professionally I am known as Lydia Hearst. Just so everyone is aware, the decision to use Hearst was made by my agents years ago when I began my career in modeling - course I have made this quite relevant is multiple interviews in the past. I love my family and they are more important to me than anything else in this world.

And, I do love Gawker, so keep up the good work and enjoy the rest of summer.

Lydia

Tina Brown To Release The Beast [Revivals]

Nick Denton — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:28:47 EDT

Tina Brown has worked in the US for more than two decades, since taking the helm of Vanity Fair in 1984; and she's now attempting to reinvent herself for the internet. But Lady Evans, as the 55-year-old former magazine editor is also entitled to call herself, remains at heart a Brit of an earlier generation, pickled in ink and arch wit. Her forthcoming news site, backed by old patron Barry Diller of IAC, is to be dubbed The Daily Beast, after the shameless tabloid of Evelyn Waugh's 1938 novel Scoop. The Digg kiddies will be so confused.

Incidentally, the site's branding was outed by Tina's friend, octogenarian gossip columnist Liz Smith. Having been burned by the backlash against Talk magazine—the glossy backed by Harvey Weinstein which Tina Brown launched with massive hype and one of the most lavish parties in magazine history—Manhattan's "queen of buzz" has been more discreet in the preparation of her first web venture. One assumes that Liz Smith forgot the sneak peek of the website was supposed to be for her eyes only—though Tina Brown can hardly complain about Smith's discretion, having pressured the ancient New York Post gossip writer to come out as a lesbian for an early issue of Talk.

No doubt The Daily Beast will invite comparisons to the newspaper of Waugh's novel; already Liz Smith compares the IAC mogul backing Tina Brown to a character in Scoop, proprietor Lord Copper; and there will be easy jokes to make whenever Brown's news site makes an error or hypes a story.

But I was reminded more of the scene in Scoop in which the hapless hero goes on an extravagant shopping trip before heading to Africa to cover the war, buying six linen suits, surgical instruments and a portable humidor. Waugh, himself a foreign correspondent during the Italian invasion of Abyssinia, once said: "There are few pleasures more complete, or to me more rare, than that of shopping extravagantly at someone else's expense."

That quote could serve as a statement of editorial principles for the notoriously profligate Tina Brown, who happily doubled writers' contracts to lure them to Vanity Fair and the New Yorker. The Daily Beast has already run through a series of expensive design consultants and employs about half-a-dozen staff its office in IAC's Gehry-designed office palace. During her magazine career, Tina Brown shopped at the expense of Conde Nast's Si Newhouse; reinvented as an internet entrepreneur backed by Barry Diller, she's still spending other people's money.

"What it is like to date Tucker Max" [Sex Wars]

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:18:24 EDT

You, the public, recently got to preview portions of the horrific (currently in production!) movie script for I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, written by "Dude, I did 12 shots of Jamesons and totally puked on that chick's tits" bro-blogger Tucker Max. The primary question that arose afterwards was, "What kind of girl would go out with this asshole?" Well, ladies and gentlemen, we (purportedly) have an answer—with all of the "whores," bad sex, emotional manipulation, fried chicken, drunk driving, and, uh, other bad things that you would have imagined:

A tipster forwarded us the following text, which they say is an entry that was deleted from Tucker Max's ex-girlfriend's blog. We don't follow the man's love life closely enough to know whether this is true, but the blog does have Tucker Max listed as its contact person. Portions of this post have been floating around the internet for some time now. That's our disclaimer. Now here's the alleged Tucker Max love experience:

Humiliating
Last night Tucker blew me off. Again.

I went insane. I cut off all my hair with kitchen scissors like Frida Khalo.
Today I examined the fallout (actually quite cute and flippy. I am good at
everything). I also thought, "Bunny... there is something terribly awry. Why
are you so angry? Why have you become a bitter and horrible person since you
met Tucker?"

Today, while I'm working, Tucker is hovering over me asking me the same
question.

I have decided to make an itemized list of reasons why I might want to cut
off all my hair like a rape victim.

[Note: This is truly humiliating. If anyone were to make a medicine to cure
low self-esteem, I'd take it in spades; I'd do the 10k walk for closet
self-loathers, and wear the empty wine bottle lapel pin. I wish to God these
FACTS were fabricated or embellished, but the awful truth is that they are
not. I only hope this helps the other girls who don't like themselves].

What it is like to date Tucker Max.

-You will get fried chicken for your birthday. Later that night when you
both go to a bar, you will want a diet coke, but won't get one because that
is one less beer that he can drink.

-He will hang up on your favorite aunt, and be stunned when you get upset
that he referred to your mother as "that fucking bitch" because she called
you at a late hour.

-He will scream at you because you don't like the instant coffee he bought
you.

-He will never kiss you, and barely fuck you, even if you beg him to for
months. You are now the Virgin Mary. He will still try to coerce crazy
whores into coming to Chicago to fuck him. He will kiss them because they
are whores, and don't you know that you're only supposed to give good
passionate sex to women that you don't know or give a shit about? I didn't
know that either.

-You will beg him to take a shower, which he will not do. But he will shave
his face to have long make-out sessions with any random girl.

-You will read every piece of writing he has ever done and be supportive of
all his creative outlets. When you then ask him to read your own novel he
will drop it after chapter one because it's a waste of his time. He's not
good at editing.

-You will give him the greatest head of his life on a regular basis. He will
still suck in bed.

-He will make sure you know that you aren't very hot, only sort of cute, and
that your head is too big for the rest of your body. You also have
unattractive dark circles under your eyes and your tits are too small. He
will never compliment you.

-You will be bi-sexual and okay with him sleeping with other women, but this
will not be enough. He needs freedom.

-If he is an insensitive asshole to you, it is only because you are selfish.
You should understand that his parents sucked and now you have to pay for
this. How this is logical, I'm not really sure.

-When he has major surgery you will not leave his side. You will spend day
night waiting on him hand and foot, making sure he is comfortable and well
cared for. You will even wipe his ass when he takes a shit. Later he will
tell you that it was all unnecessary. He didn't need or want you to be
there.

-When he is supposed to pick you up and take you to a party, he will get
black-out drunk and fuck some girl instead of showing up.

-He will tell you he loves you and wants to have children with you. When you
then get pregnant, he will say that he has about two to four more years of
drinking and whoring left to do, so a baby isn't in the cards. He will
coerce you into an abortion by threatening to give away your dog if you try
to have the child. Then he will be evasive so that you will be forced to
dump him and he can get off scot-free.

-When you get upset about this, he will tell you that you are
over-emotional. When you try to explain how this hurts, he will ignore you
till you find yourself screaming and breaking things. He will explain these
outbursts to his drinking buddies as so: "Yeah she's fucking crazy. She
flips out on me like every third day."

-When you go to stay with your parents (read: bawl day and night) for two
weeks, he will fuck other women in your bed. The night you return he will
try to go out with a whore he's just met and wonder why you're upset about
that. He needs his freedom.

-When you are at your parents, he won't take your calls. Instead he will
spend his time e-mailing some whore. Later, he will not stop e-mailing this
same whore, because all whores come before your feelings even if the whores
are half as attractive and barely capable of forming cogent sentences.

-When his ex-girlfriend dies and then comes back to life, you will nurse him
through the depression. You will even be fine with her coming to stay at
your own fucking apartment so that he can decide which of you he wants. This
is so that you can be fair to both of them because you are a good person.
unlike them.

-Later on you will catch him telling this covert bitch who pretended to be
nice to you that he is only keeping you around because you are willing to
support him financially. They will laugh at you behind your back for being
"over-emotional." Oh how silly you are!

-When Tucker bounces back from his depression you will not be needed
anymore. You will just hand over the keys to his car and not say a word when
he drives it all over Chicagoland while black-out drunk.

-When girls come to the apartment, he will become "Cooooool Tucker Max." He
will dress and act differently. He will be an asshole to you. Why are you
upset? Don't you know "this is the Tucker Max show?" This pathetic statement
is his actual quote.

-And finally (though I could write pages and pages of this horrible shit):
When you've been stood up by the very first date you've planned in a year,
you will call Tucker and ask to hang out with him. He will not come pick you
up in YOUR OWN FUCKING CAR, because HE lost your license the night before
and you won't be able to get into the club he's going to. When you ask if it
's possible to go anywhere else he will refuse because there are free drinks
and whores in said club. Whores are very special. Much more special than the
woman that did all the above things out of unconditional love FOR A FUCKING
YEAR!

posted by The Bunny at 4:22 PM